look no pants
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
