Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I want to fling myself into the sun
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
