I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
