Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
