Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
