Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
