he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
