9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Randomize
