I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
