I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
