wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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