16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
