I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
