Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
