how can u be prego again
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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