Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
