hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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