Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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