yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
