I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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