I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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