Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
my god I love twenty year old dicks
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
