i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
