i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
