even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
