Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
