Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
