Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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