Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
