fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
