I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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