Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
