that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
