If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
