Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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