I heard we made out
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
