Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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