yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
