I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Alive.
So much puke
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
