There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
