I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
