i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she smelled like a LAN party
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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