as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
