you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
