What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
