I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
