I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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