i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You can't just leave with hair like that
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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