Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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