i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
