I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
