This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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