The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
